a little more than six months ago, i got a new camera - nothing fancy, just a canon point and shoot. i loved finding old rolls of film, getting them developed and being surprised by moments i’d forgotten so i planned to take as many photos as the memory card would hold before importing them. i haven’t used it as much as i thought i would. why bother when my phone provides instant gratification? tonight, i finally accomplished my goal. i took so many pictures of shit to list on ebay, i still have spots in my eyes from the cheap spotlights of my tabletop studio - sounds fancy, but you can make one or buy one on amazon for about the same price if you have better things to do. i don’t have a facebook anymore and you still haven’t joined my circle. i haven’t used this tumblr is over a year, but it seems like the best place for a vanity project. lucky you.
She looks rather pathetic, really,
leaning against the black air,
the three mangled fingers of her left hand
clutching a yellow purse,
her right arm raised over her head
as if to shield herself
from the silver shower of stars
raining down upon her.
Her mouth is a crack
growing beneath her nose.
Two dimples open like holes
in her cheeks. A pink ear
dangles from her chin.
Looking at it now, it’s clear.
But who could have possibly know then
the dark shades of meaning
lurking in the shadow of her face,
the quiet relevance of the pearl necklace
swimming around her neck,
the orange birds drifting above her
like question marks?
Or that twenty years later
it would all make sense-
the way her eyes roll toward the sky,
the way my father stands behind her
in the crowd, arms waving
in the wind, as if he’s slowly drowning
in the black sea of faces.
“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”—Edgar Allan Poe